I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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