I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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