Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
