No awkward lesbian experiences without me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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