dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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