i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
