Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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