kristin has been a bad kristin
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
