the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
