So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
