I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize