I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
