I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My bed smells like the plague
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
