He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
