so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
