there's paper in my vomit.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
