I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
