Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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