I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Can you bring me the toilet please
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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