And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
