I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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