The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
