I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
