You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
