Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is classic penis vs brain.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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