so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
