found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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