The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
