The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
