I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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