i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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