I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I cannot find my penis.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
