my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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