i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
