If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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