The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
