Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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