i just had sex bonerless
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
