Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
