I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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