You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
