please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
