I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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