What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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