She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
