it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
