I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just pee around me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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