Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
