Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
