His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize