We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
