Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
