This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
