Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
