WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
