i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
