i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
