i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
