I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize