I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
