There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
