if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
