I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
