I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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