If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
