I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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