My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
