Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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