I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
