he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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