We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
