Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize