she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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