I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
