the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
