you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
